After you read this post, you may think I’m old fashioned, maybe even crazy, but I think our grandmothers knew a thing or two about successful marriages – although I doubt they phrased it the way I have, below. Keeping the sizzle alive means maintaining your style and beauty routine, regardless of what’s going in your life. A lady, a wife must maintain her style and beauty routine despite the heavy obstacles she encounters in life (personal or professional), because the style and beauty routine will help her keep her chin fashionably up and smiling. When has a little mascara not put bounce in your step? But, I digress. Here are my Top 5 Rules for a Sexy, Happy Marriage. Think of it as a modern Stepford Wife, minus the obedience part, with a dose of Jenna Jameson.
RULE 1: Trim Your Bush And Other Essential Areas
Waxing downstairs is not a choice, unless your man is actually into hunting in the Amazon. For the rest of us, keep it clean, keep it low (or bare), and keep it tight. For the latter part, check out my kegel tips. You are welcome.
RULE 2: Don’t Wash Off Makeup As Soon As You Come Home
This isn’t easy, especially after a long day of work. Of course, you want to cleanse the skin, but hold off. Did you put on that pretty face so that the guy selling you your coffee could have a happy flag pole moment, or do you want to, um, uplift your own man? Think about it. Sure, your hubby loves you without the blush, but I’m putting this in my “old school rules” category. A lady should always look her very best. It helps with self-esteem, which in turn makes you a happy wife and mom. For those who are stay-at-home moms, or work-from-home-when-you-can (like me) moms, it’s imperative to also put on that pretty pucker. Send your man off to work looking fabulous and he will gladly rush home. Makeup also helps you feel more in the work mode. (PS I’ll share my 5-minute mom face in an upcoming post.)
RULE 3: Dress Up At Home
Now, before you think I’m a total 1950’s Stepford Wife, I’m not suggesting you need to wear a dress and heels around the house. I am, however, strongly advocating that you create a bonfire for any hideous, oversized sweatpants and baggy shirts. You can be cozy and sexy at the same time. Swap out the man repellent sweats for leggings, and the baggy t-shirt for something a bit more form fitting. The key is not to look like you have a garbage bag on your body. Your ensemble should suggestively remind your hubby that you’re a hot commodity that he needs to worship and adore.
RULE 4: Thong It Up
I don’t know a single man that doesn’t like booty. I do, however, know plenty of men that don’t enjoy seeing four butt cheeks. Thongs have come a long way, ladies. Find something that is super comfy and live in it. I’ll make an exception if you want to wear sexy, lacy booty shorts that have no visible panty lines. I love Cosabella Never Say Never Hottie Hotpants.
Bonus Points: when the kids are not home, try randomly coming downstairs in your skivvies and fluffing a pillow or asking the hubby if he wants some tea. You may fluff more than a pillow and the kettle may not be the only thing that makes noise.
Extra Naughty Bonus Points: anything from Agent Provacateur
RULE 5: Don’t Put Him On The Style Spot
“Does this make me look fat?” “What do you think about my butt in these jeans?” “Eek can you see back fat in this top?” If you have ever posed these questions to your man, march into the bathroom and wash your mouth with soap. No man wants to be put on the spot about your weight. In fact, men don’t scrutinize over what we think are imperfections. What they do see/understand is confidence. There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows she has it going on. So, you’re All About the Bass, great. Not much going on in the booby category, mazel tov. Thick thighs, praise the Lord. Love you. Own your look. If you have something you want to improve, exercise and keep a healthy diet. But, never, ever ask your man any weight related questions. Is a recipe for a fight and no shtoopy shtoopy at night.
Overall take away: Always Be Your Best You! You’ll feel confidence, your man will appreciate the effort, and you’ll be setting a great example for your children about the importance of looking and therefore feeling your best.