Posts

Mom Non Negotiables MNN Guide by Pamela Pekerman

Mom Non Negotiables, How to Discover & Demand Your Desires

Happy New Year, Mamas. I hope you all had an amazing holiday week full of the cuddles, the cuties, and the crazies, that is motherhood.

In an effort to be of more service to you, and keep our mom tribe conversation flowing, I spent some time processing the mommy moments of 2017 where I felt happier, calmer, and more impactful as a mom/mompreneur/domestic goddess/story teller/TV host/human being.

Amidst lots of reflection, one big aha kept rising to the top.

It wasn’t extra help at home, more interesting TV or hosting projects, or even less temper tantrums (although less tantrums are always a winner!) that gave me the feeling of contentment and control.

I was at my happiest, tranquil, flowing-in-the-now, getting-shit-done zone, when I refused to cave-in on a few key calendar items, i.e. non-negotiable activities and events that I felt allowed me to be the best me I could be, in all corners of my life.

Over the past week, I tasked myself with outlining my MNN – Mom Non Negotiables – which you can read here.

Below,  I’m sharing some tips I hope will help you not only uncover your own MNN, but create a blueprint to truly make your mom non negotiables a meaningful part of your life. And, as with anything in mommyland, there’s always an out button, because almost nothing ever goes according to plan!

Mom Non Negotiables Step 1 – IDENTIFY DESIRES

Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela PekermanThe hardest part of being a mom is uncovering your desires. Believe it or not, not all moms are the same. (Insert sarcastic voice!) You don’t have to mother like your sister, your friends, or some influencer mom (me included) that looks like she has it all figured out.

Figure out your own formula for a happy life. Here are some prompts, to get the mama musings flowing:

  • What are your favorite moments from your own childhood? (I loved family dinners … before it got dark … this was, of course a different era, and my parents were not growing businesses and working in the capacity that my hubby and I do)
  • Can you incorporate your favorite childhood memories into your family formula? (I had to give up the notion of family dinners ever night at 6:30pm. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I’ve negotiated one dinner for all four of us on Friday. And, I have dinner with the kids a minimum of 3x per week. The options are finding another career or not having one for myself, moving to a less-hectic city, or finding a hubby with 8-4pm job.)
  • Is being the drop off, I’m-there-every-morning mom more important than the I’ll-read-you-a-book-and-put-you-to-sleep-mom? Can you afford to be both? And, if you canafford all the help in the world, does that mean you have to use it!? (Believe it or not, many women are torn about using or not using help. I was one of them! #NotAMamaMartyrAnyMore and no judgement on myself when I enlist paid help … usually)
  • Do you care to be on the PTA or is Personal Time Away going to make you a happier mama? (I need me time, and that might mean skipping out on a bake sale or other events/kid projects that don’t’ rank high on my happy-making list)
  • If your day flowed exactly as expected what three items/actions would you like to invite into your daily life? (For me, it’s creating useful time-saving content for you mamas, 1hr fitness which always feels like meditation, and crafting with kids. That’s my dream day, and sometimes this actually happens! You need to know your dreams, in order to drive the ship in the proper direction.)
  • Do you have a passion for your career? Is it time to off-ramp and be a stay at home mom? Do you care to be a full-time stay at home mom? Can you be a stay-at-home mom and explore a new professional endeavor? (Ya, these are heavy questions, but it’s key to pause and think them through. It’s taken me years and tears to be honest with myself about wanting to be more stay-at-home than I ever thought I could tolerate. And, yet, I still must be of service outside my family unit, hence our mom tribe community and my volunteering with The Vasculitis Foundation.)
  • What and whom do you want to put first? How much me is in mommy? (All I’ll say here is that you always have time for the things you put first, and putting yourself first will make you a stronger mother. So, yes, ask the hubby, sister, friend, babysitter to watch the kids for three hours, so you can indulge in Mom Sunday Spa Night).Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

Which brings me to ..

Mom Non Negotiables Step 2 – SHARE YOUR DEMANDS

Demands is a strong word, but I like alliteration so “desires” flows nicely into “demands”.

You need to share your wishes with your hubby/partner, daycare helpers, family, friends, whomever needs to know your non-negotiables. Don’t be afraid to share, and don’t feel that you don’t deserve to have the you time, or the simple fun time with the kids (i.e. just the crafting, without the dinner making, dish washing, laundry washing … just the fun stuff … you know, like most dads get to do just the fun stuff … just saying).

 

 

Your hubby/family want you to be happy. Tell your nearest and dearest what you need in order to be the best mom you can be. They will, hopefully, help you achieve your desires, as your joy is their joy.

And, your nanny is paid so you can be free and happy. Be clear with your desires of them and yourself. Don’t be a slave driver, but don’t be afraid to ask them to cook, or lightly clean, if that means youwill have the time to create unique works of art, with your unique works of art. (Did you figure out, yet, that I love crafting?)Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

 

Mom Non Negotiables Step 3 – DON’T DAMN YOURSELF

Sure, I’m all about non-negotiables, but I’m also a very realist mom, with very real kids, and very real mama drama.

If your kids get sick and you can’t make your monthly spa appointment, that’s okay. Mom life happens. We adjust, when needed.

Now, if your kids happen to get sick every month, at the same time, then you should talk to the hubby or other parties about pitching in, so you can commit to your non-negotiable.

Also, don’t set yourself up for failure by created a non-negotiable that’s unrealistic for your current situation. If your non-negotiable is exercising three days a week, or being home by 4pm so you can spend an hour practicing reading skills, but you begin to see that it’s just not feasible – you don’t have the job, the nanny, the extra hours to make it happen – that’s ok.

You may need to pause or edit the framework of your non-negotiable. Maybe you do a yoga video athome, and in a few months when the kids go to school or you convince your boss it’s a good idea to work from home twice a week, that non-negotiable can go back on the list.

Mom life is about being flexible.Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

I truly hope these prompts help you, as much as they have helped me, to craft MNN (Mom Non Negotiables, which will feed you more vitamins of vitality and joy, better than a bag of pink M&Ms!!

Drop a comment and share your top Mom Non Negotiables or find me on Instagram @PamelaPekerman where I’ll be sharing how I hope to stay true to my own MNN.

 

 

 

new mom must haves by Pamela pekerman

New Mom Must Haves, As Seen On TV

Hey Mamas,

So, I’ve been getting around the country (Washington, D.C., Miami, Dallas) sharing new mom must haves, while trying to manage my own mama drama – hello sick kids galore and a new house that we likely will not move into until late 2018!

Any who, today is the first day in nearly three weeks that both kids are not sick, and, thus, attending daycare. With a slew of “free time” on my hands, I wanted to share my new mom must haves with all of you.

If you’re expecting a little munchkin, or know someone who is, check out these great products and services that will make motherhood a little easier – just a little.

NEW MOM MUST HAVES

Medical Innovations

New Mom Must Haves Medical Innovations

PreTRM, preterm blood test for premature birth
I can’t stop talking about this important blood test, which is a clinically validated prenatal blood test women can take to determine their risk of delivering prematurely. Results can now empower moms and their doctors to better manage and prolong their pregnancy and improve the health of the baby. Check out my full blog post about this new mom, game changer.

Pacidose Pacifier Medicine Dispenser ($14.99)
If you’ve ever tried to give a baby medicine you know all about the mama drama that can occur. Pacidose attaches to a hospital-grade oral syringe for perfect measurement, and a tiny tube down the middle that prevents the liquid from being wasted in the nipple. It’s a fuss-free, safer and more effective baby medicine dispenser.

TempTraq Wireless, wearable thermometer ($19.99)
When babies are sick, the last thing you want is to wake them up for a temp check. TempTraq monitor fevers continuously via an FDA-cleared, wearable, wireless temperature monitor in the form of a soft patch that continuously senses, records and sends temperature data to mobile devices through the free TempTraq app. Mamas, you can receive alerts when a child’s temperature hits a user-set red zone level. Otherwise, just keep sleeping.

Dream Support Team

Baby Brezza Formula Pro, Formula Mixer & Dispenser ($179)
The Formula Pro is the best way of prepare your baby’s formula bottles. It uses patented technology to measure, dispense and mix water and powdered formula to the perfect temperature and consistency! No more midnight formula mixing and mess ups!

Baby Brezza Safe + Smart Bottle Warmer ($69.99)
App-Connected Bottle Warmer that saves you time and energy! Mom can enjoy a 5-minute (yes that counts) power nap, or go to the lady’s room with peace of mind. The only Bluetooth-connected bottle warmer to warm both breast milk + formula. Its integrated Bluetooth capability – allows you to receive notifications from a smartphone app once the bottle is ready.

Baby2Body Digital Content Platform for Expectant and New Moms
Beyonce and Amal Clonney don’t get generic baby advice, and neither should you. They have a dream team of support and this new iOS app gives new and expecting mom’s direct access to the same star treatment. Basically it’s a personalized nutritionist, stylist and motivational expert in the palm of her hands… guiding women through all their trimesters and beyond.

New Mom Must Have Products

Better Bed Time

Olababy Trimmo Electric Nail File ($39.95)
Trimming babies nails isn’t just a beauty ritual, it’s a medial must. It’s also a maddening fuss!!! The Olababy Trimmo is an electric nail file designed for parents to delicately, yet effectively trim their baby’s soft, growing nails. It features a central disk with a rotating buffer pad that can be interchanged with various grit sizes to trim babies’ nails at 0 months through 12+ months.

Nanit by PENSA Re-imagined Baby Monitor ($279 + $50/year for insights)
Forget what you know about old-school baby monitors! Nanit is the smartest baby monitor ever because it learns how your baby moves, and tells you if they’re fussy, awake or sleeping like a dream. Insights help parents identify sleep issues, track sleep patterns, parent visits, room conditions and much more. Plus, a Sleep Score let you know if baby’s sleep is improving.

Kepi Kozy Kit safer swaddle($98)
Kepi Kozy Kit is the first-ever swaddling system to support and protect newborn’s head, neck, and spine thanks to a clever “spoon” nicely tucked under the swaddle. The design allows friends and family, from the youngest to the oldest, to support and hold a baby without worry. Seriously, this is the safest, smartest way to swaddle your baby.

New Mom Must Haves Baby Sleep Aid

Looking for more, new mom must haves? Check out my TV segments from ABC’s Good Morning Washington, NBC’s Miami 6 In The Mix, and EyeOpener TV syndicated to several markets including my new #CityCrush Dallas.

Pam does Miami
NBC6 6 in the Mix with (mom of two) Roxanne Vargas

Pam does Dallas
EyeOpenerTV with (new mama) Neeha Curtis

Pam does Washington, D.C.
Good Morning Washington with Autria Godfrey

Spa Week $50 Treatments are Back, Moms Rejoice & Rejuvenate

Hey Mamas.

It’s Sunday. And …

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Spa Week!!!!!

spaweek_sheva_spa_2

You didn’t actually think I would say holiday shopping? It’s WAY too soon to think about that, so stop stressing me out.

In fact, stop stressing yourself out, and indulge in Spa Week $50 treatments during the week of October 17 – 23, 2016.

It’s still not too late to save money on a luxurious facial (try a diamond facial, it will glow you up and remind your skin what it’s like to look like you actually get enough sleep), or a foot massage (because mama’s feet scream at the end of the day.)

Whenever I’m near my hubby’s office in midtown, I try to get a foot therapy massage at Sheva Spa NY. Outside the spa doors, it’s the business buzz of one of Manhattan’s most frantic, dollar-driven neighborhoods, inside it’s a zen-zone of purple and orange flowers, gilded deities and all-you-can-drink Thai tea.

spaweek_sheva_spa_3

spaweek_sheva_spa_ny_1

I never cared about foot massages until I became a mom. Mom is the most on-your-feet job I’ve ever had, more demanding and damaging (physically …. and mentally) than anything I could have imagined.

So, I indulge. I indulge whenever, wherever.

I create Meaningful Me Moments at home (hello kid-free bedroom with candles), in the bathroom (because locking the door and putting on Brazilian bum bum cream while munchkins are screaming outside counts!!) in the car (yes, I’ve been know to stay in the car longer than needed while my mom or nanny are with the kids, so I can listen to music, or just listen to my brain go numb … like you haven’t don’t that?) and, at the spa (by far, the best option).

Like I always say, I’m no good to anyone else, if I’m not at my best. And, I’m not at my best, if I’m not taking some time outs.

My good friend, Latham Thomas, whom I recently profiles in my momBOSS series (more inspirational moms coming soon, promise) says, “You need to mother yourself first.”

So, if you’re looking for your next mommy-time-out that’s actually away from the house, check out SpaWeek.com. And, while you’re there, check out my latest articles for SpaWeek’s blog, where I discuss why it’s so important to make time for yourself.

There are tons of high-end spas and medi-spas participating in Spa Week October 2016, all across the country. So, moms everywhere can rejoice and book up.

Share your #MeaningfulMeMoments spa experience with me @PamelaPekerman on Instagram, and let me know how taking time out makes you feel better about yourself, makes you more productive and even makes you a better mom.

spaweek_october_2016

momBOSS Interview with Nicole Feliciano MomTrends.com Founder and Author

I’ve known Nicole Feliciano, the founder of MomTrends.com, for over five-years. I can’t recall how we met, but I can recall the countless amount of times she has shown up for me – at events I was hosting (even when she only had 15-minutes to spare), social media contests that I needed help promoting, even personal advice when I felt lost in motherhood land. She’s a girl’s girl, a sharer, a dreamer, a media mogul, and a natural voice for the next generation of moms itching to find their inner momBOSS.

Last week, Nicole’s first book Mom Boss: Balancing Entrepreneurship, Kids and Success hit shelves. Before kicking off her book tour, she sat down with me to share some wisdom about her journey from the corporate world, to mommy land and her happy formula for mom boss success.

Mom Boss Nicole Feliciano MomTrends Founder and Author

So many moms have dreams they never pursue. What gave you the courage to leave your corporate job, start MomTrends and become a killer momBOSS?

I’m so inspired by the women, like my mom, who worked so hard to give my generation of women OPTIONS. I was raised believing I could do anything I wanted. Now, I want to blaze one too–where women get to work on their own terms. I wanted to create a life full of family and opportunity, and I knew no one would hand me the life I wanted.

What was your original vision for MomTrends and how has it evolved?

MomTrends was always meant to be a resource for moms to find lifestyle tips and a emotional boost, in an otherwise busy day. All our content is meant to be pretty, purposeful, inspiring and social.

What does a typical morning look like for you?

I get up at 6:45am. My girls, now 11 & 8, usually come in for snuggles in the morning. Mr. Momtrends whips up breakfast, and we take turns walking them to school. I try to work out in the morning before I head to my We Work office in DUMBO.

Once at my desk I try to do something creative to kick start my day–either styling a fashion shoot or writing. Then, it’s time to dig into calls and strategy sessions with my team. In the afternoon, I try to attend networking events. Most nights we eat dinner as a family. I cook 5-6 nights a week. Unplugged time is sacred. I try to log off from 6-9pm when the family is together. I have special reading time with each girl. My tween and I are really into adventure books; right now we are knee-deep in Masterminds. I read with the little one second because she’s the night owl. Right now we are reading Melody, the newest book from American Girl.

I pop back online after spending time with the hubby. Usually writing and taming the beast of email until well after midnight. Did I mention I crave more sleep?

Mr.Momtrends and I have date night once a week where we go out and try to avoid talking about work and kids–it’s our time to rekindle the romance!momboss_nicolefeliciano_2

momboss_nicolefeliciano_3

momboss_nicolefeliciano_4

Quite the schedule! What’s your biggest tip for juggling personal, professional and family needs?

Keep a calendar. When I look at my calendar I can tell if I am overcommitted. I need to see a month, week and day mapped out and where I need to cut back. Sometimes the kids’ calendars look too complicated and I trim those down, sometimes I have too many meetings for work. I am constantly trying to juggle the calendar.momboss_nicolefeliciano_5

momboss nicole feliciano family

What other tools/services do you recommend for aspiring mom entrepreneurs?

Get a good accountant–one that will really hold you accountable for profitability.

In your book, I love that you say “Comparison is the thief of joy.” How do you avoid looking over your shoulder and comparing yourself to other moms, as it’s such a cultural epidemic?

When you have a pride in authorship, you know you are on the right path. When I truly enjoy what I am creating I tend to look forward to what’s next, not side to side to see who is doing the same thing. Stay interesting. Never stop learning and don’t be boring.

What advice would you give to a mom who’s been out of the game for 5, maybe 10 years and now would like to become a momBOSS not only in her home, but outside the home, as well?

Start small. Find a part-time gig and test out your skill set. Experiment trying on a few things–maybe at home sales, or setting up a small Etsy shop. Analyze how you feel with each step and what worked so you can make informed decisions about your future.

Many moms turn to social media and the web as a means to create a business, while still being more available to their family. Is there still space in the online world for new voices?

Absolutely! Find a niche that inspired you. New faces need to come in with a fresh voice. Ask yourself what makes you passionate? You need to be able to have a sustained enthusiasm for your topic. And figure out early on, is this a hobby or a business. If it’s a hobby, don’t get frustrated that you aren’t making money. If it’s a business, figure out early on how you are going to become profitable.

What tips would you give to an aspiring mommy blogger, vlogger or Instagramer?

Have a consistent look and voice. Don’t try to be everything to everyone. To create a true community you need to be niche. I suggest making a mission statement for your personal brand. What are you about? What topics WON’T you cover. Make a vision board and stick to it. Don’t chase trends, make trends.

What’s next for MomTrends Media?

The Mom Boss big book tour! Coming to a city near you!Mom Boss Nicole Feliciano book cover

Balance is a loaded, unrealistic goal, I prefer “Happy Formula”. In your book you also state “You have to embrace that you can only do a few things really well at one particular time.” What’s your Happy Formula for managing all corners of your momBOSS world?

I focus on family first, then work. If I feel like I am giving these two things my best I am winning. I say no to so many things. Saying no allows me to make more space to live in the moment. My girls are the delicious ages of 11 & 8 right now. I don’t want to miss a moment. Sleep gets sacrificed and pursuit of outside interests.

How do you find time for YOU #MeaningfulMeMoments in your busy life?

I run! I have two women who I regularly run with. I love multi-tasking. I catch up with my girlfriends AND get exercise. It’s a win/win! If you aren’t on social media or don’t run, it’s tough for me to maintain a friendship.

Quick, you only have 2 minutes to prep and pamper your face. What are your top makeup/skin products?

I love the Kiehl’s tumeric mask for a pick me up. I always keep a mask in my fridge to de-puff my eyes in a flash.

momboss nicole feliciano momtrends logo

Currently reading I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh.

Currently drinking raspberry iced tea, unsweetened.

I hope my daughters think mom is inspiring.

Motherhood is my passion.

The best advice my mom ever gave me was never make a big decision when you are exhausted. Everything usually looks more clear in the morning.