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Mom Non Negotiables MNN Guide by Pamela Pekerman

Mom Non Negotiables, How to Discover & Demand Your Desires

Happy New Year, Mamas. I hope you all had an amazing holiday week full of the cuddles, the cuties, and the crazies, that is motherhood.

In an effort to be of more service to you, and keep our mom tribe conversation flowing, I spent some time processing the mommy moments of 2017 where I felt happier, calmer, and more impactful as a mom/mompreneur/domestic goddess/story teller/TV host/human being.

Amidst lots of reflection, one big aha kept rising to the top.

It wasn’t extra help at home, more interesting TV or hosting projects, or even less temper tantrums (although less tantrums are always a winner!) that gave me the feeling of contentment and control.

I was at my happiest, tranquil, flowing-in-the-now, getting-shit-done zone, when I refused to cave-in on a few key calendar items, i.e. non-negotiable activities and events that I felt allowed me to be the best me I could be, in all corners of my life.

Over the past week, I tasked myself with outlining my MNN – Mom Non Negotiables – which you can read here.

Below,  I’m sharing some tips I hope will help you not only uncover your own MNN, but create a blueprint to truly make your mom non negotiables a meaningful part of your life. And, as with anything in mommyland, there’s always an out button, because almost nothing ever goes according to plan!

Mom Non Negotiables Step 1 – IDENTIFY DESIRES

Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela PekermanThe hardest part of being a mom is uncovering your desires. Believe it or not, not all moms are the same. (Insert sarcastic voice!) You don’t have to mother like your sister, your friends, or some influencer mom (me included) that looks like she has it all figured out.

Figure out your own formula for a happy life. Here are some prompts, to get the mama musings flowing:

  • What are your favorite moments from your own childhood? (I loved family dinners … before it got dark … this was, of course a different era, and my parents were not growing businesses and working in the capacity that my hubby and I do)
  • Can you incorporate your favorite childhood memories into your family formula? (I had to give up the notion of family dinners ever night at 6:30pm. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I’ve negotiated one dinner for all four of us on Friday. And, I have dinner with the kids a minimum of 3x per week. The options are finding another career or not having one for myself, moving to a less-hectic city, or finding a hubby with 8-4pm job.)
  • Is being the drop off, I’m-there-every-morning mom more important than the I’ll-read-you-a-book-and-put-you-to-sleep-mom? Can you afford to be both? And, if you canafford all the help in the world, does that mean you have to use it!? (Believe it or not, many women are torn about using or not using help. I was one of them! #NotAMamaMartyrAnyMore and no judgement on myself when I enlist paid help … usually)
  • Do you care to be on the PTA or is Personal Time Away going to make you a happier mama? (I need me time, and that might mean skipping out on a bake sale or other events/kid projects that don’t’ rank high on my happy-making list)
  • If your day flowed exactly as expected what three items/actions would you like to invite into your daily life? (For me, it’s creating useful time-saving content for you mamas, 1hr fitness which always feels like meditation, and crafting with kids. That’s my dream day, and sometimes this actually happens! You need to know your dreams, in order to drive the ship in the proper direction.)
  • Do you have a passion for your career? Is it time to off-ramp and be a stay at home mom? Do you care to be a full-time stay at home mom? Can you be a stay-at-home mom and explore a new professional endeavor? (Ya, these are heavy questions, but it’s key to pause and think them through. It’s taken me years and tears to be honest with myself about wanting to be more stay-at-home than I ever thought I could tolerate. And, yet, I still must be of service outside my family unit, hence our mom tribe community and my volunteering with The Vasculitis Foundation.)
  • What and whom do you want to put first? How much me is in mommy? (All I’ll say here is that you always have time for the things you put first, and putting yourself first will make you a stronger mother. So, yes, ask the hubby, sister, friend, babysitter to watch the kids for three hours, so you can indulge in Mom Sunday Spa Night).Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

Which brings me to ..

Mom Non Negotiables Step 2 – SHARE YOUR DEMANDS

Demands is a strong word, but I like alliteration so “desires” flows nicely into “demands”.

You need to share your wishes with your hubby/partner, daycare helpers, family, friends, whomever needs to know your non-negotiables. Don’t be afraid to share, and don’t feel that you don’t deserve to have the you time, or the simple fun time with the kids (i.e. just the crafting, without the dinner making, dish washing, laundry washing … just the fun stuff … you know, like most dads get to do just the fun stuff … just saying).

 

 

Your hubby/family want you to be happy. Tell your nearest and dearest what you need in order to be the best mom you can be. They will, hopefully, help you achieve your desires, as your joy is their joy.

And, your nanny is paid so you can be free and happy. Be clear with your desires of them and yourself. Don’t be a slave driver, but don’t be afraid to ask them to cook, or lightly clean, if that means youwill have the time to create unique works of art, with your unique works of art. (Did you figure out, yet, that I love crafting?)Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

 

Mom Non Negotiables Step 3 – DON’T DAMN YOURSELF

Sure, I’m all about non-negotiables, but I’m also a very realist mom, with very real kids, and very real mama drama.

If your kids get sick and you can’t make your monthly spa appointment, that’s okay. Mom life happens. We adjust, when needed.

Now, if your kids happen to get sick every month, at the same time, then you should talk to the hubby or other parties about pitching in, so you can commit to your non-negotiable.

Also, don’t set yourself up for failure by created a non-negotiable that’s unrealistic for your current situation. If your non-negotiable is exercising three days a week, or being home by 4pm so you can spend an hour practicing reading skills, but you begin to see that it’s just not feasible – you don’t have the job, the nanny, the extra hours to make it happen – that’s ok.

You may need to pause or edit the framework of your non-negotiable. Maybe you do a yoga video athome, and in a few months when the kids go to school or you convince your boss it’s a good idea to work from home twice a week, that non-negotiable can go back on the list.

Mom life is about being flexible.Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

I truly hope these prompts help you, as much as they have helped me, to craft MNN (Mom Non Negotiables, which will feed you more vitamins of vitality and joy, better than a bag of pink M&Ms!!

Drop a comment and share your top Mom Non Negotiables or find me on Instagram @PamelaPekerman where I’ll be sharing how I hope to stay true to my own MNN.

 

 

 

Mompreneur Mom Self Care Routine

Top Mompreneurs Share Mom Self Care Rituals #MeaningfulMeMoments

Hey Mamas,

While prepping for this week’s episode of Mommy Moments with Pamela, I’ve been reading Going Beyond Mom, How to Activate your Mind, Body and Business after Baby by Randi Zinn, and I’m reminded once again how essential it is for us moms (and dads!) to create Meaningful Me Moments.

  • Self-care is not selfish.
  • Going out should not equal a guilt trip.
  • Your wellness and joy are nonnegotiable.

To inspire you to carve out time for yourself, I’ve asked some pretty bad-ass moms to share how they like to refuel, energize their spirit and carve out time for much needed Meaningful Me Moments.

Randi Zinn, author, mindfulness expert, and founder of Beyond Mom and BeyondMom.com

For me, self-care starts with carving out time with my girlfriends. There is something about the inner glow I feel after a date with my best friends; it feels like I’m cultivating ME. My husband gives me the free pass for Saturday nights. Unless we go out on a date night, I’m free to book whatever I want with my besties. Sometimes dinner, sometimes drinks, sometimes a mani/pedi, but there’s always the room to tell stories, laugh, cry, download about whatever is up. Self-care is about nurturing every part of ourselves, and as a busy mom, it’s easy to put our friendships to the side. When my friend time is part of the agenda, I feel fueled, youthful, and so incredibly supported.

Mommy Moments Randi Zinn Mom Self Care

Stacy Igel, Founder & Designer Boy Meets Girl

I just started core power yoga, and I’m hooked. The first week I did 4 classes and made time early am, late at night and on the weekends. This doesn’t always happen. I try to make it work before I relieve my nanny, or if I go early in the morning I make shifts with my husband. Twice per week, I drop-off for my son Dylan at his nursery school by 8:45am, so if I do not have a meeting to run to, I try to take a 9-10am class. It’s always a juggle to squeeze it in, but I’m really trying to fit this into my life.

Watch Stacy on Mommy Moments with Pamela

Stacy Igel Mom Self care

Nicole Feliciano, CEO of Momtrends Media, Founder MomTrends.com & Author Mom Boss

When it comes to self-care, I’m insistent on exercise. I’ll often sacrifice sleep to sneak in a run. Maybe it’s the endorphins or the sense of accomplishment post workout, but either way, exercise is a busy moms best friend. My girls are older now, so I usually workout right after school drop off at 8am, and then head into my office or meetings.

Read my full interview with Nicole.

momBOSS Nicole Feliciano_Mom Self Care

Kristin McGee, Celebrity Yoga Instructor, Wellness Expert & Author of Chair Yoga

For me it’s all about meditation, because it helps me stay sane and focused. It helps with any sort of depression and anxiety, as a new mom and as a working mom. We have so much on our plate, and being able to sit for 5 to 10 minutes, is a game changer. I used to do it first thing in the morning, like 5am, but my 1-year-old twins aren’t making that possible. Now, I try and do it right after I brush my teeth, and before I go to bed at night. I use a little lavender oil, dim the lights, watch my breath, and sometimes I use a meditation that’s guided by my friend David Romanelli

Watch Kristin on Mommy Moments with Pamela

Kristin McGee self care mom Pamela Pekerman

Yuena, Director, Producer, and Youtuber SimplyYue

At the end of the day I need to be able to moisturize. If I can’t do anything else, I just have to wash my face and use my Clinique moisturizer. I immediately fell better and pampered.

SImplyYue Self Care mom pamela pekerman

Self Love Journey, How to Create Self Care Rituals & a Self Love Zone

Hey Mamas,

For those who don’t live in the DC area, here is yesterday’s Self Love Journey tips on Good Morning Washington. As always, it was so much fun sharing the set with the delightful Jummy Olabanji.|

Create Love Rituals

When you set aside time to pamper yourself, you are saying to yourself that YOU are worth it. How you treat/view yourself, is how others will treat/view you. A simple evening self-care ritual will set the tone for a positive night and bright morning.

SELF-CARE SHOWER

Self Love Journeu with Pamela Pekerman

Aveeno Positively Radiant 60 Second In-Shower Facial (Target, $6.99)
Rejuvenate your skin and your senses with NEW (just launched Jan 2017) in-shower facial that will even tone and brighten skin. It features a Soy Complex known to visibly transform the 5 Factors of Radiance including: tone, texture, dullness, blotchiness and brown spots. The benefits of soy were initially discovered when workers who regularly handled soy in Asia’s soybean factories found that their hands were especially smooth and even toned. Pretty cool, right?

HASK Greek Yogurt Collection (Walgreens, $9.99)
There’s no better way to care and love yourself than pamper your lush locks! I already talking about Hask’s new Greek Yogurt Collection in last week’s Friday 5 Finds. The shampoos and conditions, smell a-frekin-masing, and feature a dual-chamber system which separates the fruit treatment and Greek yogurt until they are fused together for optimal use.

SELF LOVE EVENING RELEASE

Self Love Moorea Seal 52 Lists

Moorea Seal 52 Lists for Happiness ($16.95)
Share your daily gratitude, triumphs and desires in a beautiful journal to gain valuable self-knowledge, not to mention decrease stress – hello stress causes wrinkles, mams! If you need a little help journaling, pick up 52 Lists for Happiness focusses on cultivating a happy and fulfilling life through the power of lists. Through weekly practice and simple list making tools, you will delve into your own understanding of what happiness truly means to you as you explore how to live a happier life everyday.

Art Naturals Top 8 Essential Oils & Oil Diffuser Set ($39)
Set the mood for your evening release with boosting scents. The right essential oils can put you in the self-care mood, and send you off to sleep with positive intentions. Look for non-synthetic, natural fragranced oils. Try:

Lemon, Rosemary, Peppermint = clarity, focus
Clary Sage, Ylang Ylang, Orange = decrease anxiety
Jasmine, Rose, Sandalwood = increase love, sensuality

Surround Yourself with Love

Your home is your spiritual sanctuary, create pockets of beauty and calmness that help instill positive energy to supports your self-love journey.

SPIRITUAL SETTING

Self Love Home Decor

Park B. Smith Decorative Pillow from JC Penney ($30-50)
These cushions give a whole new meaning to pillow talk. Jump into your spiritual setting with uplifting messages like “Dreams are Free” or “Life Is Better When You Are Laughing” or “Life if Beautiful”.

Royal Velvet Egyptian Cotton Blanket from JC Penney ($29.99)
Cozy up with a good book and a great mood. Knit blankets aren’t just for grandma’s anymore. They will set serene tone for your quality time with yourself, to gather thoughts of positivity. Invest in your meaningful me moments setting.

The Sarling Project Candle Self Love

 

The Starling Project Scented Candles ($55)
Add some ambiance and light to your home with this sleek scented candle, while also sending out light (literally!) and positive love into the universe. Lighting one’s home and lighting the world, the sale of each Starling Project Candle provides solar energy – which offers access to electricity, clean water, safety, health, education, and much more – to under-resourced countries globally via the support of key philanthropic organizations including UNICEF (the brand has already donated over $100,000 to UNICEF since its launch one year ago).

DRINK YOUR GOODNESSSelf Love Celebration with Pamela Pekerman

Homemade Ginger Tea Recipe

1 cup boiling water

1 heaping teaspoon of grated ginger

1 teaspoon of raw, organic honey

20 drops of Naturopathica Skin Radiant Tinker

Add all ingredients to boiled water and let steep for 3-minutes, before drinking. I don’t remove the ginger, but you can, if desired.

Benefits of Ginger

Ginger has natural anti-inflammatory properties, ideal to sooth muscles post-workout.

Drink ginger before meals to sooth the stomach.

Ginger tea can help ease stress and anxiety.

Home Made Ginger Tea Self Love


improve your sleeping beauty routine

The Gift of Sleep, a Mom Essential: Sleep Comfort Month

Hey Mamas,

I hope you had a blessed, joyful holiday weekend.

Okay, I actually hope you got lots and lots of sleep. Really! Isn’t that what we all want? Just a small spot (pillow optional) to curl up and drool for a few hours.

With the holiday hustle-and-bustle upon us, does anyone find it odd that November is National Sleep Comfort Month?

Forget about comfort, how about just lobbying for National Mom Will Sleep Anywhere Anyway Month? (PS I’m so going to try and make that official, some day.)

Day-care holiday parties, Thanksgiving decorating, charity fundraising, corporate gatherings, gift shopping, fa la la la la la la la la ….
Sleep, when?

But, seriously, quality sleep is a luxury me and most moms could not put a price tag on. And, it’s something we need to try and prioritize.
TRUTH – I’m sitting at Le Pain Quotidien on Lexington Avenue and 64th Street, at 3pm on Monday barley keeping my eyelids open, as I draft this post. This has become my permanent state.

Which is why I’m committing myself to focusing on sleep.

Oxygen. Food. Sleep.

Here are a few tips I’m trying to incarnate into my life, in order to improve my sleep routine. I hope they resonate with you, as well.

1. Learn to Say NO

There are only so many hours in the day, and 9pm-12am is not the time to work on an arts-and-crafts project for your son’s class. (Guilty – but I’m trying to change). It’s okay to say no to someone or something else, and say yes to you time, sleep time.
Don’t volunteer for every cause. If you pass out while gathering canned soup, you’ll be of no use to the charity you’re supporting, or your own family. Don’t agree to bake a cake for your kid’s holiday party – buy it! Don’t feel the need to accept every holiday invitation. Your friends will understand. And, they would much rather you focus on the dark circle under your eyes. Seriously, they told me so.

2. Learn to Let Go

Your kids will be fine if you go on vacation, mini vacation, or frequent date nights. They will live if someone else tucks them into bed. You are a kickass mom. But, if you are running low on fuel, you will burn out and be a miserable Grinch. Don’t be a Grinch.
Get yourself to a bed – even if it means you sleep at your mother-in-law’s house during the day, while a babysitter comes and watches the kids for a few hours. YES, I’ve done that. I’ve actually called a babysitter to come and watch my kids while I “go to work”. Work meant sleep … one block down … at my in-law’s house… at 2pm. #ChooseSleep

This Works Deep Sleep sleep comfort month

3. Go to Your Bedroom

Going to your bedroom doesn’t mean you have to go to sleep. But, commit to being in your sleep space by a reasonable hour. I’ve trained my kids to be in bed by 8pm. Now, I’m aiming to train myself to be in the bedroom by 10pm. This can be journal time, reading time, meditation time, bath time, whatever time. #MeaningfulMeMoments

Me Time Sleep Time Sleep Comfort Month

4. Get Soothing Sleep Supporters

From sleeping on silk, to spraying your pillow with sleep-supporting essential oils, the below are my absolute favorite sleep props. You’ll especially want to get everything – EVERYTHING – from This Works, a UK-based brand that puts sleep at the center of its beauty empire. All their products focus on your body’s natural circadian rhythm (aka your sleep/wake cycle or body clock). This Works’ Deep Sleep Superblend, is a must for any mom looking to reboot her sleeping beauty routine.

essentials for beauty sleep1. This Works Deep Sleep Bath Soak $41  ;  2. Shhh Silk 2-Pack Queen Marble Pillowcases $139  ;  3. This Works Deep Sleep Breathe In $33  ;  4.  Slip Silk Eye Mask $45  ;  5. This Works Deep Sleep Pillow Spray $29

Enjoy the last few days of Sleep Comfort Month, and keep me posted on your sleep strategy and success. As always, I’ll be sharing my highs, lows, and sleep-deprived woes on Instagram, Facebook ,and Twitter. #GiftMomSleep

Always Be Your Best You Pamela Pekerman