Mom Non Negotiables MNN Guide by Pamela Pekerman

Mom Non Negotiables, How to Discover & Demand Your Desires

Happy New Year, Mamas. I hope you all had an amazing holiday week full of the cuddles, the cuties, and the crazies, that is motherhood.

In an effort to be of more service to you, and keep our mom tribe conversation flowing, I spent some time processing the mommy moments of 2017 where I felt happier, calmer, and more impactful as a mom/mompreneur/domestic goddess/story teller/TV host/human being.

Amidst lots of reflection, one big aha kept rising to the top.

It wasn’t extra help at home, more interesting TV or hosting projects, or even less temper tantrums (although less tantrums are always a winner!) that gave me the feeling of contentment and control.

I was at my happiest, tranquil, flowing-in-the-now, getting-shit-done zone, when I refused to cave-in on a few key calendar items, i.e. non-negotiable activities and events that I felt allowed me to be the best me I could be, in all corners of my life.

Over the past week, I tasked myself with outlining my MNN – Mom Non Negotiables – which you can read here.

Below,  I’m sharing some tips I hope will help you not only uncover your own MNN, but create a blueprint to truly make your mom non negotiables a meaningful part of your life. And, as with anything in mommyland, there’s always an out button, because almost nothing ever goes according to plan!

Mom Non Negotiables Step 1 – IDENTIFY DESIRES

Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela PekermanThe hardest part of being a mom is uncovering your desires. Believe it or not, not all moms are the same. (Insert sarcastic voice!) You don’t have to mother like your sister, your friends, or some influencer mom (me included) that looks like she has it all figured out.

Figure out your own formula for a happy life. Here are some prompts, to get the mama musings flowing:

  • What are your favorite moments from your own childhood? (I loved family dinners … before it got dark … this was, of course a different era, and my parents were not growing businesses and working in the capacity that my hubby and I do)
  • Can you incorporate your favorite childhood memories into your family formula? (I had to give up the notion of family dinners ever night at 6:30pm. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I’ve negotiated one dinner for all four of us on Friday. And, I have dinner with the kids a minimum of 3x per week. The options are finding another career or not having one for myself, moving to a less-hectic city, or finding a hubby with 8-4pm job.)
  • Is being the drop off, I’m-there-every-morning mom more important than the I’ll-read-you-a-book-and-put-you-to-sleep-mom? Can you afford to be both? And, if you canafford all the help in the world, does that mean you have to use it!? (Believe it or not, many women are torn about using or not using help. I was one of them! #NotAMamaMartyrAnyMore and no judgement on myself when I enlist paid help … usually)
  • Do you care to be on the PTA or is Personal Time Away going to make you a happier mama? (I need me time, and that might mean skipping out on a bake sale or other events/kid projects that don’t’ rank high on my happy-making list)
  • If your day flowed exactly as expected what three items/actions would you like to invite into your daily life? (For me, it’s creating useful time-saving content for you mamas, 1hr fitness which always feels like meditation, and crafting with kids. That’s my dream day, and sometimes this actually happens! You need to know your dreams, in order to drive the ship in the proper direction.)
  • Do you have a passion for your career? Is it time to off-ramp and be a stay at home mom? Do you care to be a full-time stay at home mom? Can you be a stay-at-home mom and explore a new professional endeavor? (Ya, these are heavy questions, but it’s key to pause and think them through. It’s taken me years and tears to be honest with myself about wanting to be more stay-at-home than I ever thought I could tolerate. And, yet, I still must be of service outside my family unit, hence our mom tribe community and my volunteering with The Vasculitis Foundation.)
  • What and whom do you want to put first? How much me is in mommy? (All I’ll say here is that you always have time for the things you put first, and putting yourself first will make you a stronger mother. So, yes, ask the hubby, sister, friend, babysitter to watch the kids for three hours, so you can indulge in Mom Sunday Spa Night).Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

Which brings me to ..

Mom Non Negotiables Step 2 – SHARE YOUR DEMANDS

Demands is a strong word, but I like alliteration so “desires” flows nicely into “demands”.

You need to share your wishes with your hubby/partner, daycare helpers, family, friends, whomever needs to know your non-negotiables. Don’t be afraid to share, and don’t feel that you don’t deserve to have the you time, or the simple fun time with the kids (i.e. just the crafting, without the dinner making, dish washing, laundry washing … just the fun stuff … you know, like most dads get to do just the fun stuff … just saying).

 

 

Your hubby/family want you to be happy. Tell your nearest and dearest what you need in order to be the best mom you can be. They will, hopefully, help you achieve your desires, as your joy is their joy.

And, your nanny is paid so you can be free and happy. Be clear with your desires of them and yourself. Don’t be a slave driver, but don’t be afraid to ask them to cook, or lightly clean, if that means youwill have the time to create unique works of art, with your unique works of art. (Did you figure out, yet, that I love crafting?)Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

 

Mom Non Negotiables Step 3 – DON’T DAMN YOURSELF

Sure, I’m all about non-negotiables, but I’m also a very realist mom, with very real kids, and very real mama drama.

If your kids get sick and you can’t make your monthly spa appointment, that’s okay. Mom life happens. We adjust, when needed.

Now, if your kids happen to get sick every month, at the same time, then you should talk to the hubby or other parties about pitching in, so you can commit to your non-negotiable.

Also, don’t set yourself up for failure by created a non-negotiable that’s unrealistic for your current situation. If your non-negotiable is exercising three days a week, or being home by 4pm so you can spend an hour practicing reading skills, but you begin to see that it’s just not feasible – you don’t have the job, the nanny, the extra hours to make it happen – that’s ok.

You may need to pause or edit the framework of your non-negotiable. Maybe you do a yoga video athome, and in a few months when the kids go to school or you convince your boss it’s a good idea to work from home twice a week, that non-negotiable can go back on the list.

Mom life is about being flexible.Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

Mom Non-Negotiables Guide MNN by Pamela Pekerman

I truly hope these prompts help you, as much as they have helped me, to craft MNN (Mom Non Negotiables, which will feed you more vitamins of vitality and joy, better than a bag of pink M&Ms!!

Drop a comment and share your top Mom Non Negotiables or find me on Instagram @PamelaPekerman where I’ll be sharing how I hope to stay true to my own MNN.

 

 

 

Vasculitis Awareness Shop4Vasculitis 2017 Pamela Pekerman

Shop4Vasculitis 2017 & Why I’m a Vasculitis Awareness Advocate

Hey Mamas,

With Thanksgiving behind us and kicking off the holiday season, I can’t help but think about the one element in my life that is missing – my dad.

As some of you know, if you’ve been following me for any length of time, I lost my father, Ilya Peckerman, to a type of vasculitis disease on December 18, 2009.

Ilya Peckerman Fund Vasculitis Foundation Shop4Vasculitis

Always side-by-side, with my dad Ilya Peckerman. Thank you is the shortest way to say ‘I Love You to the moon and back’. (Blooming Lotus Necklace from Shop4Vasculitis)

I’ve gone through various emotional roller-coasters dealing with life without him, dealing with his physical absence from my children’s lives, dealing with the void of such an energetic personality, dealing with why him, and dealing with the what ifs.

What if we took him to get more opinions about his strange sinus issues?
What if we took him to a vasculitis center at a major hospital?
What if he wasn’t taken off prednisone so soon?
What if  the miracle, new meds were cleared for use while he was still alive? (we were sooo close!)

I’ve turned my what ifs, why me, and emotional roller coasters into a passionate commitment to support the vasculitis community and bring awareness to this group of rare, autoimmune disease. (Click here to learn more about vasculitis diseases.)

Once again, this holiday season, I ask you to consider selecting your holiday gifts from Shop4Vasculitis, a gifts that give back campaign.

Pamela Pekerman Vasculitis Awareness Advocate Live to Inspire

Live To Inspire – inspire home, change, medical progress, love, joy …. As moms we inspire change in our kids every day! (Camo top from Boy Meets Girl, they are also part of Shop4Vasculitis)

Shop4Vasculitis has an amazing assortment of fashion, accessories, home items from brands like Ramy Brook, Boy Meets Girl and Blooming Lotus Jewelry.

All donations go the Vasculitis Foundation (specifically the Ilya Peckerman Fund) and help us establish the Ilya Peckerman Vasculitis Fellowship Teaching Program in partnership with a prestigious hospital in NYC. To learn more, click here.

My family will match every single dollar that is donated to the Vasculitis Foundation via brands participating in Shop4Vasculitis.

Your $1 will count for $2.

Additionally, if you don’t want to shop, you can also just DONATE to our cause. Through December 31, 2017, we will also match all monetary donations made “in honor of Ilya Peckerman.

Ilya Peckerman Fund benefiting Vasculitis Foundation

Elyse Ryan WristRocks Shop4Vasculitis Vasculitis Foundation

Elyse Ryan WristRocks, stretch gemstone bracelets for Shop4Vasculitis benefiting Ilya Peckerman Fund / Vasculitis Foundation www.Shop4Vasculitis.com

Ilya Peckerman Fund Vasculitis Foundation Pamela Pekerman

Me + Dad = 90s Glory. Denim on Denim, High Waists Jeans & Dad’s Ponytail !

Leaping & Launching my Mommy Moments FaceBook LIVE Show

Hey Mamas,

It’s Halloween, and I’m feeling scared.

But, it’s not because of a movie, the thought of getting egged by teenagers, or the inevitable sugar rush my kids will get after tick-or-treating.

I’m scared because I’m finally taking a leap …

After over a decade of being in the media industry, I’m finally launching my own show – Mommy Moments with Pamela Pekerman – tomorrow, November 1st at 1pmEST on Facebook LIVE.

Mommy Moments Facebook Live Pamela Pekerman

I’ll share in a future post what finally pushed me over the edge. For now, I want to thank my encouraging woman squad for boosting me up, and convincing me to #OwnMyGlowMichelle Finkelshteyn, Latham Thomas, Jennifer WalshSabina Hitchen, Brittney Levine, Stacy Igel, Staci Weiner and REALLY so many of my Instagram followers.

Thank you!

Tune in, tomorrow 1pmEST for Mommy Moments with Pamela Pekerman.

My guest is my dear friend and fellow mompreneur Stacy Igel, founder of Boy Meets Girl. We’ll be chatting life as a mom with a side hustle (aka her fashion empire!), why not being a baking mom is okay, thoughts on midnight inspirations and much more.

Plus, I’m sharing 5 Beauty Sleep Secrets you don’t want to miss.

#MommyMoments #MommyMomentswithPamelaMommy Moments Facebook Live Pamela Pekerman

Mommy Moments Facebook Live Pamela Pekerman

 

BubbleBum Inflatable Car Booster Seat Pams Picks Pamela Pekerman

Pam’s Picks Family: BubbleBum Inflatable Car Booster Seat

Hey Mamas,

This past Friday, I was on News12 NJ sharing some Smart Morning Time Savers, just in time for Back to School.

One of my favorite finds was the Bubblebum Inflatable Car Seat Booster, a booster that takes seconds to inflate (yes, you can do it just with your mouth, no pump required).

 

BubbleBum Inflatable Car Booster Pamela Pekerman News12 NJ

BubbleBum Inflatable Car Booster Pamela Pekerman News12 NJ

When mornings don’t go according to plan – major crisis at the office, unexpected back pain, or simply a desire to take a Meaninful Me Morning and not be a chauffer – Bubblebum’s inflatable care seat booster is a smart solution that can turn anyone’s car into a kid-friendly mobile.

As long as your child weighs between 40lbs – 100lbs, and is over eh age of 4-years-old, they can safely use this booster.

Bubble Bum Inflatable Car Seat BoosterBubble Bum Inflatable Car Booster Seat

 

I personally have not been able to use this product with my kids, since David and Ilana still weigh just under 30lbs – yes they are tiny munchkins. #IDoFeedThemFats (healthy fats – butter, avocados, salmon, etc.)

The booster is super portable and packable, able to nearly fold into a slim pouch and slip in your a tote bag.

If you’ve had experience with BubbleBum, I’d love to here from you. Drop a comment below or head over the my Instagram or Facebook page to share your mama thoughts. Bubble Bum Inflatable Car Booster SeatBubble Bum Inflatable Car Booster SeatBubbleBum Inflatable Car Booster Pamela Pekerman News12 NJ